Let The Weak Say I Am Strong....

UPDATE:
Well I got through my first transfusion today and hopefully only two more weeks to go. Next step will be to finish my teaching courses so I can inspire the next generation of storytellers. And as soon as I get the strength to write again I'm going to finish my books. But now... I am definitely going to nap.

Sometimes the Holy Spirit uses this blog to give me a spiritual "heads up" on what is needed for a future battle. My last blog was about getting rid of fear and I was also preparing for a 7 day mini- cleanse as per the Martha's Vineyard 21 lbs in 21 Days Diet. I've learned to stay on track with what my inner voice is telling me so I completed the 7 day cleanse and lost an additional 6 lbs. My weight loss for 2011 is now holding at 30 lbs. Thank you God.

Finally I can say that I "see" a change in my appearance and clothes are fitting better. Outfits that were shamefully retired can now come back into the main rotation and that is a relief. I've been consistent with my exercise, taking my ASEA and wearing my Bodymedia Fit armband to catalogue my results.

My next battle is a health challenge that I thought I dealt with before but it has come back for another round. I'm a little angered by it because it steals my physical energy and that is what I need to exercise and prepare the life-giving healthy food that keeps me going. Today, just the act of typing makes me tired. I don't really like to put medical details on a blog because the internet is forever and your health situation is subject to change. A position of weakness today can be a position of strength tomorrow. So even as I sit here tired I recognize that this is just another chapter in my life and it has come to PASS.

But today I thank God for what he has already done in my physical body and for the complete healing that my body is undergoing. I am also going to continue to educate myself on what I can do to live an long and healthy and active life. One thing I know for sure, my body seems to respond very positively to the vegan diet. I'm not sure I want to give up fish and eggs, but chicken and beef are becoming less attractive to me. When we know better we do better. I'm still learning and I can't wait to learn more...

Peace and blessings,

dede

Spring Cleaning and Getting Rid of Fear

If you are a reader of this blog then you know that I did a detox diet in January and embraced some lifestyle changes to get a better stronger physical body. Well one of the tenets of the Martha's Vineyard Detox Diet is that after you complete the 21 day cleanse, you do it again at each change of season for a 7 day period. So you do 7 days in the Spring, Summer, Fall and then do the 21 day cleanse again at the 1 year point. So this week starting Monday April 18, 2011, my family will be doing it again for 7 days.

I'm looking forward to the cleanse this time, not because I like drinking vegetable soups, but because I'm looking forward to giving my body a tune up. Since the January cleanse I have kept off 24 lbs. and added a 3 mile walk to my daily life. I walk at least 18 miles a week and even though my eating habits sometimes miss the mark, the exercise seems to be helping me to maintain the weight lost at the beginning of the year.

I've noticed that the disconnect between mind, emotions and body still exists. I have not kept a food journal (even though that is a proven way to help weight loss and correct bad eating habits). So I have some areas of my life where I clearly know better but I willfully refuse to do better. It is not a conscious motivational error - if you asked me, I would tell you I am committed to change and a healthy lifestyle and most of the actions are there but there are still things that show a subconscious disconnect. Have you seen this in your life as well? You say you are ready for change but some of your actions are in clear rebellion to that change?

I can't speak for you, but in my life that disconnect is the manifestation of fear in my life. I've spent my life afraid of many things. I did not start out that way but life has a way of beating things into you if you live a life of rebellion and for many years I did. So when it comes to weight loss and optimal health, the subconscious fear is that I won't be able to handle how others perceive and interact with the new healthy me. It is safe being big, jolly funny Dede, but a fit, strong Dede is a new scary world. Again, I can't speak for you, I can only shine the light on me. I wasn't ready to own up to the fear before, but I am ready to do it now.

I got an email from Amazon.com recommending things I should buy and one of them was the new Kirk Franklin CD, "Hello Fear". I listened to the music and found it articulated a desire in my heart during this season. I am ready to let go of lifelong fears. I really want to discover some "what ifs" in life. What if I lived each day like God had my back and I could not fail? What if I treated my body like a temple and trusted that it would respond and reward me with good health? What if every time the scale registered a couple of lbs gained I did not treat it as a personal failure? What if I embraced each new technological advance as a way to make work easier not harder?

My parents had differing responses to fear. My father is not a fearful man. He is ill now, but when he was well, he welcomed change and adventure and he tried to make me laugh at my fears of insects (he'd kill a bug that had me screaming and then chase me with it, laughing at my fear until I was laughing too). He'd try to teach me to swim by throwing me into the water, laughing at my tears, (that one never worked Daddy). My mom is afraid of so many things, the pain of change, new people, places. Life has also given her the pain of loss and many reasons to fear and I think it must have been so amazing for her to meet my father with his adventurous spirit and mostly positive outlook. One thing we all learned growing up was that God had sent us the Holy Spirit so we would not have to live a life of fear. But even that knowledge doesn't make you immune to the destruction of fear. You must make a conscious decision to reject fear and its power over your life.

So during this season of spring cleaning I breathe in a new spirit of change and sweep fear out of my life. I'm going to go get ready for tomorrow's 7 day cleanse. If you want to do it with me, I have an outline of the plan and the grocery list in the January 2011 blog entries. And next week when I celebrate Resurrection Sunday I look forward to my own resurrection.
Good-bye Fear.

Peace and blessings,

dede

Where Did the Time Go?

It is hard to believe that it is already March 2, 2011. What a difference a day makes. I started the year with a mantra of change and change has indeed come. I know better so I am doing better. And I am honest enough to jack myself up when I am not being true to myself.

I have lost 21 lbs since January 5, 2011. I don't see a change in my body but I do realize that it has changed. I'm fitting into smaller clothes that were too tight 60 days ago. I can tell that I am not comfortable with this change because I am still not writing down my food logs (even though I know that is one of the best ways to make lifestyle changes and locate and isolate bad habits.) I am starting to like my daily walks now. Walking allows me the chance to clear my mind and meditate on the blessings of the day. It is such a blessing just to be able to walk and to have a safe, beautiful place to go and exercise every day. I'm able to do a 19 min mile now and I do at least three miles a day.

I think it is safe to say that using the Body Media Fit Armband and taking the ASEA redox signaling molecules every day have made a difference. The armband lets me know when I've exercised enough and even tracks my sleep. The redox signaling molecules seem to help me breathe through my workouts and recover from the muscle fatigue after the workout. I have not talked to my doctors about these changes but I will do that next month when I have my physical.

I hope that you see by now that you can make your own change if you want to and it does not have to take years to make it happen. I want to thank the family and friends that sent the encouraging words these past two months. I'm going to keep on going with this journey to see what the end will be. I'll keep you posted as I pass future milestones but I won't bore you with the day to day minutiae of the change process. Hard work pays off. I get the equation now. It is hard to believe that 2 1/2 months ago I heard someone talk about the Martha's Vineyard Detox Diet at a Gospel Concert and heard an inner voice say "You need to check that out". I listened and I feel so much healthier as a result.

My prayer for you in the month of March is that you listen to the still small voice that articulates the desires of your heart. Don't wait until you feel better, sometimes change hurts. Keep me in your prayers, I'll be doing the 5K Glendale Downtown Dash on Sunday March 14, 2011 to benefit Glendale Adventist Hospital's Stroke Services Center. This will be my first race since I had to stop training for the Half-Marathon in 2009. I'm slowly making my way back. To God Be the Glory.

Peace and blessings,

dede

Learn Not To Give Up

"We must learn not to give up when requirements are not met or when commitments are broken. To do so is a refusal to allow mistakes to be corrected and a demonstration of an unwillingness to forgive yourself or anyone else who needs forgiveness"
Iyanla Vanzant, Peace From Broken Pieces

I read those words on Sunday afternoon and had another light bulb moment of revelation about myself. I really punish myself when I fail to meet goals that I have set for myself and many times I have told myself, "Well, I guess this is just not my time" or "this is not for me", after a public and embarrassing setback. What is worse is that I retreat from my goal because I don't want others to see and comment on my failure. So fear of laughter and ridicule would be enough to get me to back down from a dream in the past.

Last Sunday I took a day off from my daily walks and I am happy to report that I did not let that day off signal the end of my dream about daily exercise. It did not feel good mentally this week. First the weather forecasters were saying all week it was going to rain and I had to push to just go out and walk anyway. I only got caught in the rain one time and most days the sun stayed out until long after I had finished my walk. So I did not listen to the weather forecast and I got out and walked anyway. Last week I walked a total of 17 miles during the week and my husband and I walked 3 miles on Saturday and another 3 miles on Sunday. I proved to myself that you can feel like crap and still be good to yourself. Next week I will measure inches again to see of things are looking better. But I feel better, not when I'm walking, that still feels like work but I feel good when I finish and the recovery time for my muscles is so quick, now that I am taking the ASEA every day.

You would think, man, Dede must be so proud of herself, what a big change she has made since January 4! Yet all I can feel is, man, I've been doing this for almost a month and a half and I should look and feel better by now - right?

I can't make this journey based on feelings. My attitude about myself needs some real growth and change. I been angry and disappointed with myself for a long time and I punished myself by not taking care of my mind, body, and spirit. And as long as I was reaching out and working to benefit others, I convinced myself that I was okay.

If there is anyone else out there who is like me I have a word for you. Your family and friends would feel better if you took care of yourself instead of others for a change. Your body is a temple that is set up to house a divine spirit within. When you make your body into a temple where the divine can live and flourish, the Holy Spirit inside you will be free and able to speak to you about really helping and blessing others. But you will be able to do it in wholeness and not from a position of need. And the first thing that the Holy Spirit will talk to you about is you.

The world needs people who are healthy; mentally, emotionally and spiritually. A problem would never show up in the life of a believer without the ability for the believer to activate the solution. But you will never be able to meditate and see the solution if your feet hurt, your back aches and you haven't slept in days.

I am glad to say that six out of seven days last week I met all of my goals. I did not chart all of my meals but I kept a daily running total in my head. I will strive to meet all my goals every day but I am going to enjoy the lessons along the way. On a practical note, The Body Media Fit armband and Digital Wrist Display have been a big part of keeping me on track. Having a machine on your wrist that beeps when you meet your daily targets is a great way to learn to be accountable.

My prayer for my family and friends is that they be in health, with a clarity of purpose and focus. If you are happy with the way you look and feel today, I am very happy for you and pray for your continued blessings. But if there is anything that you feel dissatisfied with and feel like a change is needed - then start today. That feeling is the size of a mustard seed today but inside that feeling that 'change is needed' is the power to make it happen. Two months ago I had a feeling that it was time for a change because my body felt like it was dying. It started with listening to that voice but the process now works independent from feelings or thoughts in my head. Mistakes are being corrected and I am forgiving myself for new hurts every day. I'm learning not to give up,

Peace and blessings,

dede

How Bad Do You Want It?

That is a question that I ask myself often because I know that there can be a disconnect between what I say and what I do. So far in 2011, my money and my mouth have been in alignment for the most part. I've been thinking as I put food into my body and I've been exercising. I can even say that I'm liking it more too. It does not hurt as much now, (especially since I've gone back to my daily dose of ASEA. Also, my body is once again firing on all cylinders and since I've gone back to the daily ASEA regiment my weight is starting to come off again for the first time this month. I continue to wear my BodyMedia Armband and meet my calorie intake, burn and sleep targets.

Now, it's not to say that there is a big change in what I look like, though I can say I feel different. But I'm starting to get these crazy cravings out of the blue, like on Tuesday there was a good gourmet food truck on my street and I wanted to order a large order of Parmesan Truffle French Fries. Now don't get me wrong, the fries are really good and I could have split the order with my husband to mitigate the damage but it would not have been a good food choice for someone who wanted to regain her health, strength and her life. And I had to fight the desire for more than a minute which is just crazy.

Deep down in the depth of my belly, I knew what the real problem was. I was afraid of actually succeeding in this lifestyle goal. Because when the weight and the physical challenges go, many excuses that I have had about being stalled at this point in my journey will go too. No longer will I be able to say, "They don't see me, they just see my weight", or "I can't do this task because I don't have the stamina to complete it".

There are many questions I will have to come to terms with on this journey. The fact is that all my excuses are simply words that I use to take the pressure off myself to produce what God has put inside me. There are no real reasons here, simply escape valves that give me the release I crave to justify my non-productivity.

So as I deal with that fact that there will be days where my integrity will be challenged, I also have to recognize that I am not the first person to go through this type of challenge. I remember a story in the Bible where Jesus was talking to Simon Peter just before the last supper. He was explaining to him that even though he could not believe it, Peter would in fact deny ever knowing Jesus very soon.
In Luke 22:31-32 (The Message Bible):

Jesus said, "Simon, stay on your toes. Satan has tried his best to separate all of you from me, like chaff from wheat. Simon, I've prayed for you in particular that you not give in or give out. When you have come through the time of testing, turn to your companions and give them a fresh start."

When we think of Peter, we think of the character that was the rock that the modern day church was built on, but notice at this time, Jesus did not call him Peter, he called him Simon. I believe that Peter was still dealing with his own personal lies and his double minded nature where he could love Jesus one minute and deny him the next. To a normal rational person, those two behaviors would not go together. How can you love someone one minute and deny them the next? Or how can you exercise and feed your body good food one minute and eat garbage and stop exercising the next?

Even great people can deal with double minded behavior and make mistakes and I will make many more before I die. But I am encouraged by the fact that Jesus told Simon Peter, "When you have come through the time of testing... and not, If you come through. The act of breathing every day means we will be tested. Victory comes when we recognize negative behaviors and squash them and kill them every time they rear their ugly head. Just because I have a thought does not mean I have to act on it. So I promise you, as I come through this season I will tell you about every challenge and every victory.

How bad do I want it? Really bad. I'm tired of living a life of excuses I really want to live my best life. When I die, I want to die empty. How about you? What is keeping you from your best life? Let's squash it and kill it now...

Peace and Blessings,

dede

Integrity

I love the word integrity. The quality or condition of being whole or undivided; completeness. The state of being "all one". Having integrity means that you do what you say you are going to do and what you say and do lines up with what you believe. It means that you do not compromise yourself when it gets tight and uncomfortable.

I want my life to represent integrity. I want my belief system to be reflected in all areas of my life, including my physical being. So I will no longer say that I dislike exercise. Exercise is something I do because I am unwilling to compromise my integrity. So if I believe that my body should be a reflection of my Creator, (and I do believe that), then it should be apparent when you see me, talk to me and watch my actions. In 2011 I am seeking a body, soul and spirit that embrace good health. A being that is ALL ONE. Sometimes change hurts, but change is good.

So I will test my consistency during the month of February. I would like to walk at least 2 miles every day. Why don't you join me in doing one thing to change your patterns and change your life? Another thing I am doing is adding vegan choices into my menu for the family. One item I am trying this week is gardein. What is it?
gardein™ is a wholesome range of tasty plant-based foods with a meaty texture. it’s made from soy, wheat and pea proteins, vegetables and ancient grains (quinoa, amaranth, millet and kamut®). gardein™ is easy to digest and free of cholesterol, trans and saturated fats. the majority of gardein™ foods are a good source of fiber and low fat too. gardein™ is also animal and dairy free.

Go to the website and see all of the tasty choices and try one for just one night of the week, like a meatless Monday. You might even fool the die hard meat-eaters in your family into loving new vegan choices in their diet.

Peace and Blessings,

dede

The Martha's Vineyard Detox Diet Day 11 - 17

Wow, I can't believe it but, it is true. I am coming down the home stretch. Four more days to go on this detox cleanse diet. I feel much better than when I first started. My strength and stamina are coming back after being ill most of November - December. My husband is already planning what he will eat when he completes the fast but there is a definite way to end the fast as well as how to begin one. That porterhouse steak he is dreaming about will have to wait.

I'm in no hurry to eat meat. But when I do eat meat I'm no longer going to just buy the cheapest cuts. More than the Master Cleanse, this detox has made me cognizant that what we eat matters. It will affect how we age and how we live in the present. Maya Angelou says that when we know better we do better. May that be one of my mantras from today onward. My two mile walk in the park today was not very fast, I did a 22 minute mile. And I watched families barbecue and play in the park and I appreciated the mountains that surrounded us and I thanked God for the beauty around us.

I don't like exercise. I'm hoping that when I lose more weight that I will feel differently about it. The BodyMedia Fit Armband is a great tool because it reminds me how much more I need to do and as the day goes by I can make adjustments. I like knowing that I have done enough each day to put me in a future weight loss mode.
So far during the cleanse I have lost almost 14 lbs. I have not done anything strenuous, I've just made sure I walked twice a day. This has been a time of healing not working out.

I'll do a wrap up on day 21 and then move on. The Martha's Vineyard Detox Diet requires that you do the cleanse (for a period of 7 days), three more times in the year. It is suggested that you do it at the change of seasons. So I will do this again after my birthday in May. Anyone else want to join me?

Peace and Blessings,

dede

Please note that I am not a doctor and this record of my detox cleanse is not an endorsement of any detox diet or product. This is something that I believe is right for me and the results will tell the tale. My goal here is only to report my experience.

The Martha's Vineyard Detox Diet Day 7-10

Yesterday my husband and I went out to Griffith Park and did a 2 mile walk with our dog. Well we were walking, he was sitting in his new stroller and was pushed along the route. He is old (15 years) and can't walk far any more. This way he can still come out with me when I exercise.

Well, week 1 has been completed. How does it feel? I feel more energetic now so I am exercising more. I had a come to Jesus moment with The BodyMedia FIT Armband and Display. I realized that I am wearing a tool which tells me how many calories that I take in and burn and it tells me if I have done enough to stay on track, why would I stop short of the daily goals? I was using it to record what I had done, instead of making the adjustments when I did not do enough. On day 7 I corrected my course and made the change. Now the day is not over until all the goals are met.

I believe this is only possible because of the ASEA that I've been taking for the past 11 days. Before I started taking it, I was getting winded very easily when I walked uphill and when I worked out, my muscles took a long time to stop aching (I am overweight and no athlete.) But in these past days I've found my endurance has really increased and I can tough it out thru a long workout, even while on this cleanse. I can also breathe easier when I exercise and not get as winded.

My husband commented today about the increase in stamina that he has seen in me in the last two weeks. As a non-athlete I can say that I am seeing the benefit of the cleanse and the ASEA.

Also my broths and soups continue to be tasty and filling. This liquid detox diet has meant that we have been living a vegan lifestyle for the past 9 days now. I don't miss meat, (because this has a set beginning and end). And I know that I will have more meatless days during the week (with more soups too).

Peace and Blessings,

dede

Please note that I am not a doctor and this record of my detox cleanse is not an endorsement of any detox diet or product. This is something that I believe is right for me and the results will tell the tale. My goal here is only to report my experience.

Martha's Vineyard Detox Diet Day 5 & 6

The days are becoming more routine now. As I said before, eating fruits and vegetables every day means that I am not starved. I do feel shaky if I do not have my meals at the regular intervals. If you do try this cleanse, do not miss any meals.

The author of the book, 21 LBS in 21 Days is also on Twitter so yesterday I asked Dr. Rhoni a quick question about agave nectar and whether it is suitable for the cleanse. She responded quickly and said yes, it is fine to use it in your iced tea or hot tea as long as it is the organic kind. I had thought so and I don't like stevia, even though it is another all natural sugar made from a plant. To me, it has an aftertaste like saccharine does and I don't like it.

I did not do much exercise in the first four days due to the early healing crisis and lack of energy so I made sure I did my one mile walk with my husband on Tuesday and I did a 2 mile walk on Wednesday. I will be watching to see how and if the ASEA helps me recover from the exercise. I can say that I had more stamina today than I have had since I became ill in November. It is good to feel stronger even though I am nowhere near where I was last summer. This too shall pass I believe. I plan to get on a scale on Saturday (which will be Day 8) and see where I am with energy, and possible weight loss.

I am also tracking my calorie intake, burn, sleep duration and efficiency with the BodyMedia® Fit Armband and Activity Display. This is the armband that is used on the show, The Biggest Loser to help the people on the ranch track their progress. This is another layer of accountability for me and another step to making changes that I can sustain for life.

Finally, I can say that, yes, being on a cleanse or fast does require discipline and does not feel good all the time. There are lots of food ads on billboards, newspapers, buses, and on the internet and TV. Healthy choices sometimes mean more expensive choices and steps to a better life can be taken one step at a time. I am going to keep my eyes open for bargains and deals that exist to help people who want to add better choices to their life.


Peace and Blessings,

dede

Please note that I am not a doctor and this record of my detox cleanse is not an endorsement of any detox diet or product. This is something that I believe is right for me and the results will tell the tale. My goal here is only to report my experience.